Hi Lovelies,
In December, I went back to Kenya and it put so much in perspective for me.
I have lived in so many different places in my life and so it makes me feel restless if I stay in one place for an extended period of time. Right now, I feel super antsy about living in my city and want to leave after living here for 9 years. It's crazy because this is the longest I've lived in one place in my whole life.
With all of this, the idea of home has never really been attached to a place - rather a feeling of calm and complete acceptance. When the energy of where you are, who you are and what you want are all in harmony. I think that's what feels like home to me. It has to be a complete, well-rounded feeling. I felt that when I was in Kenya. I felt at home for the first time in a long long time.
So it got me thinking, I wanted to talk more about why I haven't truly felt at home and what that word means to me. I think that a lot of the time, we don't even realise that society defines our feelings for us before we even can. As an unconventional girl, I can attest that home isn't always where 'the heart is'.
I want to delve deeper into what I had said previously about energy. Places have vibes, my good dudes. Some vibes can be good, very good - and some otherwise. When you go on holiday, you can read a vibe that a place has, but you're more likely to be distracted by the fact that you're excited to be on holiday. When you live somewhere, you know whether you can adapt to a place or whether you cant.
Personally, for the city I live in, I have a way of dressing that sticks out a lot. Sis likes to be a bit formal. In a casual city that makes me seem a bit uptight. I don't get it because I grew up in places where you could step on people's necks with #fashion but it doesn't seem so here. For me, that's been a big thing. I say a lot that fashion is a mode of self-expression and I feel like that has been muffled a lot.
Another thing is that I know that I cannot reach my professional goals in South Africa as a whole. The industry I want to enter entirely does not exist here. When on holiday you never look at these things. You're there to relax. I also understand these are gross understatements of what it means to feel at home, but for me, I guess, home is a place of acceptance.
Home is a place where you can express who you are. That and it is well received with the people who surround you, regardless of a blood connection. If you are received well in who you are in a place where you reside and can express yourself freely in doing what you may want to within reason, then I think that constitutes to being at home.
Whilst I was in Kenya, I felt like everything wasn't as forceful as it was here in South Africa because of the above. It doesn't necessarily mean that I will move to Kenya - but it means to say that it is a place that will always feel safe to me
Home is where the energy of where you are, who you are and what you want are all in harmony.
love
T.
留言